Despite our best efforts our marriage/relationship has failed. Separation has become necessary.

Okay, separation from your spouse or partner has occurred. You have both tried your best and probably even worked with a marriage counsellor to try to save your marriage. But ultimately, for whatever reason, it is now become apparent that your marriage or relationship cannot be rescued.

Where do we go from here?

So, what are your alternatives? Where do you go from here? You want to make this as simple as possible especially where you and your spouse or partner can still talk together and ought to be able to work out the details.

Option One: Sit around the kitchen table and try to come up with a solution. Thirty years ago, you could have sat down with your spouse or partner and worked things out. Now you are discovering that the complexity of family law does not allow for that sort of resolution. You need some help but you do not want to enter into a battle royale.

Option Two:  Engage a certified "Early Neutral Consultant".  Consider the options with a professional who understands how solutions can practically happen. Early Neutral Consultation (ENC) is a single session of information, unique to each family’s circumstances. ENC provides a safe environment where information only is provided, and no decisions are made during the consultation. Early Neutral Consultation empowers couples with Information First. In many cases couples choose to hear this information together from a single Family Consultant, although families can also hear this information from two separate Family Consultants.

Surprisingly, until Early Neutral Consultation was invented, there were very few places families could go to get information unique to their circumstances. After an Early Neutral Consultation (ENC) families are empowered with Information First to choose the pathways and processes that are right for them, saving stress, emotion and time. This is especially important where families wish to empower themselves to choose to work together (and work together with their chosen professionals, including mediators, lawyers, etc), to stay out-of-court, and to save emotional and financial resources, in the best interest of their family and children.

Families can be empowered to understand and move forward with their chosen process and professionals (such as mediation). The process of Early Neutral Consultation also empowers families to become knowledgeable about working with all other FDR (Family Dispute Resolution) professionals such a financial and realty professionals (for instance where there are important considerations of time and resources), parenting coaches and parenting coordinators,  counsellors, as well as the importance of financial disclosure and independent legal advice from the family`s chosen professionals [1].

NB: http://www.familylawpathways.com/early-neutral-consultation-enc-family-mediation-working-together-help-process-family-dispute-resolution/

NB: Joseph Hamon is a qualified Early Neutral Consultant trained through Family Law Pathways.

Option Three:  The best of all options is mediation. Why?

a. In mediation, you will both receive legal information but not legal advice. You need to know how Ontario law would treat your family and financial situation and understand a range for a "fair solution". Equipped with this information, and with guidance, you will be able to come up with a separation agreement suitable for asset division and acceptable to the banks for alternate financing. If parenting is an issue, tried and true or  innovative solutions can be found and set out clearly in the separation agreement.

b. How enforceable as this separation agreement? Practically, if a solution is reached by the parties themselves, they are more likely to carry it out in practice. Further, courts commonly recognize mediated agreements especially where the mediator is qualified and experienced and known to the courts. There is no such thing as an agreement that cannot be challenged, but a fair mediated agreement will usually survive litigation.

c. Do we need each need our own lawyer? Ideally, it would be preferable for each of you to have your own lawyer. Your own lawyer will be able to provide you a unique perspective with regard to your rights and advise you on an appropriate course. Realistically however, some cannot afford to have his or her own lawyer. If this is the case, and if your situation is not unusual, it is possible for each of you to process the information received, understand it and together combine it into a separation agreement that is both comprehensive and comprehensible. In fact, in most of the agreements brokered by Joseph Hamon, the couples have provided feedback that they have fully understood the process and its contents, and decided not to retain their own lawyers. Hamon Family Law is not aware of any agreement brokered by Joseph Hamon that has been overturned or even varied by a court.

d. And why would you retain Joseph Hamon rather than another mediator? Both of you will jointly retain a mediator who is highly skilled in all aspects of family law and family dynamics. Joseph Hamon is both experienced and successful.

e. Joseph Hamon was one of the rostered mediators for both the Ontario Court of Justice and the Superior Court of Justice in both Pembroke and Renfrew Ontario from 2011 through to 2014. Nearly all of his mediations ended in full and final solutions. On one occasion he was publicly thanked by Justice Robert Selkirk in open court for his mediation group's contributions to facilitating mutually satisfactory resolutions to difficult family court files. His personal satisfaction ratings averaged 5 out of 5 in exit surveys.

f. He has been a mediator for hundreds of mediations and in all of these mediations, only three have not resulted in a final agreement. His success rate of over 98.5% is hugely disproportionate to the average mediation success rate in Ontario of 77%. [2]

g. Joseph Hamon is a certified Specialist in Family Law through the Law Society of Upper Canada. Not only is he the only lawyer who is a certified comprehensive family law mediator in Renfrew County, but he has been certified by Family Mediation Canada who is commonly seen as the "gold seal" in mediation for its stringent and comprehensive qualification standards. [3]   What does this mean? It means that his experienced litigation record has been reviewed and approved by the Law Society and that his peers recognize him as an authority in family law.

h. Joseph Hamon takes his duty to his clients very seriously. The Law Society obliges lawyers to do 20 hours of continuing legal education every year but Joseph Hamon usually does over 40 hours in formal training and many times that in personal research.

i. Joseph Hamon is a certified comprehensive family law mediator. Not only is he the only lawyer who is a certified comprehensive family law mediator in Renfrew County, but he has been certified by Family Mediation Canada who is commonly seen as the "gold seal" in mediation where the criteria and testing has proven to be the most stringent and testing. [4]

j. Joseph Hamon is a Christian. He believes in fair and honourable resolutions. Should the family request, he is open to a faith-based solution.

"I like people and I want to help them. Court is no place for family disputes. It is horribly emotionally and financially expensive. Mediation is the only sane solution if separation is necessary." - Joseph Hamon

Option Four:  Collaborative Family Law. Sometimes, for one reason or another, one or both separating individuals needs a lawyer in their corner to help encourage or secure resolution. Collaborative family law answers this dilemma. In collaborative family law, each would have their own lawyer who is specially trained to facilitate an agreement with that is good for everyone. The couple and their lawyers would work together under a special collaborative agreement and jointly address all issues and work together towards appropriate solutions.

NB: A collaborative family professional should be appropriately trained and certified. Joseph Hamon is a certified collaborative family lawyer through the Ottawa collaborative family group. He is the only certified collaborative family professional in Renfrew County.

Option Five:  Coaching. If mediation is not appropriate, Joseph Hamon is available to help you prepare your own case. In this option, you can keep a brake on your legal costs and involvement. Consult with Joseph Hamon when you need help in reviewing documents, preparing court documents and scripting your attendance for trial.

Option Six:  Arbitration. Sometimes, families opt to skip directly to a certified arbitrator who is skilled and specifically trained in family law to make a relatively quick decision on focused issues. The arbitrator will need to be paid by the family in contrast to a judge who is not directly paid by the family. Submissions to an arbitrator are frequently in written form but can be through a verbal presentation. You should be prepared by a lawyer before entering into an arbitration and can be represented by a lawyer. Joseph Hamon is not an arbitrator as he sees this to be a contradiction to his role as a professional mediator. He can however either help you to prepare for your own arbitration or to represent you at your arbitration.

Option Seven: Court. The worst option. Traditional resolution through filing documentation and appearances in court. This will be emotionally and financially expensive, confusing and almost guaranteed to be unsatisfactory for all concerned.

A Final note: if your separation involves children, you need to know the children will be hurt and require special attention. Despite media that would have you believe that a "good separation" will not harm children, the evidence quite stark and strong that divorced and separated children will likely have higher criminal rates, have more difficulty in forming their own attachments and relationships, higher teen pregnancy rates, and less success in post secondary education or careers when compared to their peers who have not been subjected to divorce or separation.5

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